“This is an extreme example of what I call Ruinous Empathy. Ruinous Empathy is responsible for the vast majority of management mistakes I’ve seen in my career. Most people want to avoid creating tension or discomfort at work. They are like the well-meaning parent who cannot bear to discipline their kids. ”

“Instead of pushing through the discomfort to get an employee to challenge them, bosses who are being ruinously empathetic may be so eager to ease the awkwardness that they simply let the matter drop.”

“Bosses often make the mistake of thinking that if they hang out in the Ruinous Empathy quadrant they can build a relationship with their direct reports and then move over to Radical Candor. They’re pleasant to work with, but as time goes by their employees start to realize that the only guidance they’ve received is “good job” and other vaguely positive comments. They know they’ve done some things wrong, but they’re not sure what, exactly. Their direct reports never know where they stand, and they aren’t being given an opportunity to learn or grow; they often stall or get fired. Not such a great way to build a relationship. On the flip side, when Ruinous Empathy prevents bosses from soliciting criticism, they have no idea anything is wrong until a person quits. Needless to say, this strategy does not build trust on either side. ”

Ruinous Empathy是比较容易陷入的陷阱。只是对双方的关心并不能建立信任，信任是要真诚地告诉对方你的期待，你的反馈，只有经历过事儿的团队才能放心的把事交给对方。

“when giving praise, investigate until you really understand who did what and why it was so great. Be as specific and thorough with praise as with criticism. Go deep into the details.”

表扬和批评都一样，要知道具体的细节，以及为什么值得表扬（或批评），针对事而不要针对人的特点。比如你可以说，这件事xxx做的很高效，用了xxx的方法，获得了xxx的结果，而不要说xxx这个人很高效。

“Bosses get Radically Candid guidance from their teams not merely by being open to criticism but by actively soliciting it. If a person is bold enough to criticize you, do not critique their criticism. If you see somebody criticizing a peer inappropriately, say something. But if somebody criticizes you inappropriately, your job is to listen with the intent to understand and then to reward the candor. Just as important as soliciting criticism is encouraging it between your team members. ”

作为老板不仅要能够接受批评，还要鼓励团队指出你的错误，并让他们看到你的改变（如果错误确实是存在的。

“David Johnson once said to me after I’d sent out a particularly ill-advised email, “Kim, you’re awfully fast to hit Send!” To this day, I still hear the warning voice of David before I hit Send. And even though I haven’t seen him in years, he continues to save me almost weekly from sending a note I’ll regret.”

这个我也存在类似的问题，做事求快，而不会检查地很仔细。